The following blog post is a sum up of thoughts and feelings after three-day Engrenage Noir / LEVIER-sponsored event entitled How Many Slaves do You Own? Art and the Economies of Exploitation, Past and Present.

The entire How Many Slaves? weekend was a jumble of breakthroughs and new learnings for me. I saw, heard, and experienced so much in those three days in March that sometimes I thought I might explode. There was a tremendous amount of thought, compassion and reflection present in the room at all times and I found that it was so powerful for me to be around. I left the weekend feeling optimistic and hopeful, despite the fact that we had spent three days exploring really difficult issues.

I walked out the doors of the MAI on Sunday late afternoon with more questions then I did when I walked in. One of the central questions inside me was, and still is, “How many slaves do I own? How do I fit in to this system of oppression? And furthermore, how do I go on knowingly perpetuating things I do not like or agree with while at the same time wanting to live my life, be happy and fulfilled and make inner and outer change?” These are challenging questions that I have definitely not finished answering completely - nor do I think that I ever will be, however, being apart of this weekend event definitely pushed me in certain directions, as well as helped me to re-affirm certain things.

A long time ago I decided that guilt was a useless emotion. I have spent quite some time feeling guilty, and realized that it got me nowhere. Sure, sometimes, it was an impetus to begin to act, but most of the time I just stayed with the guilt until it made me feel awful. It took me some time to come to this realization - I have been dealt certain cards in life and I am an extremely fortunate individual. Not everyone is as fortunate as me, but I do not need to feel guilty about these privileges I was born with, I need to work at understanding and dissecting that privilege, and understanding the societal structures that create this life for me. I also want to be working at disrupting the status quo. More importantly, I need to be constantly acknowledging and keeping these things in the forefront of my mind so that I never forget them.

Although I do not concretely or technically know how many slaves I own, I can say that I most likely own many - if I take into consideration my lifestyle. Whether I like it or not I do fit into this capitalist system and perpetuate it. Even if I radically changed things in my life to try and subvert this, it would not be nearly enough. I need to learn how to be happy and satisfied with the things I do - with the changes I make inside myself, the way I make my relationships with people as intentional and meaningful as possible, and outer changes I make, like educating youth towards positive values, educating Jewish youth to be socially and politically critical and aware of their history, their culture and of the current conflict in Israel. Simultaneously, though, I need to constantly be striving for more - asking myself tough questions and trying to answer them, educating myself and finding ways to make changes where I see fit.

How Many Slaves Do You Own? honestly reinvigorated my faith in people. Being surrounded by so much positive energy, creativity and questioning made me see that there are people who are working towards change - and I can find partners to work with.